Sunday, December 30, 2007

Are You Qualified?

JOB DESCRIPTION

Job Title: Miss Barb

Job Code: MB-1

Department: Family of God

Job Grade: C-1

Revision Date: 12/30/07

Fair Labor Standards Act (FLSA): Exempt (works for kisses & hugs)

Position Overview

Treats children as the blessing from God that they are. Loves them as if they were own. Respects parent(s) position; cannot usurp their authority.

Essential Job Functions

•Faster than a speeding child. Yelling “STOP” can be used in place of speed.

•Able to leap toy trucks, Polly Pockets, or other tiny paraphernalia. Otherwise, shoes with firm soles, balance and/or high pain tolerance required.

•Patience that lasts the length of a Sunday School class or babysitting session, whichever is longer

•Must know the importance of snack and provide when able

•Listening and ability to fake understanding of garbled pronunciation; but should never fake interest in topic. Interest must be genuine.

Non-essential Job Functions

•Knowledge of Veggie Tales, and current Disney and/or Pixar movies and characters

•Able to fake knowledge of above, as needed

•Good immune system to ward off colds and other kid germs

•Strong knees to sit in tiny chairs or play “Giddy Up”

•Able to kill bugs or fuzzies that look like bugs to child

Requirements

•Love

•No fear of sticky things

•Lap

Other Skills/Abilities

•Singing

•Story telling

•Able to express exaggerated emotions and facial features. Cannot be concerned with long term affect of wrinkles by performing same.

•Ability to act as Giant Bean Bag chair

NOTE: This job description is not intended to be all-inclusive. Employee may perform other related duties as negotiated to meet the ongoing needs of the organization.

2 comments:

Gabrielle said...

You forgot wonderful sense of humor. I find in my job as Titi Gaby, which is similar to a Miss Barb, a sense of humor especially as regards to various solids and fluids that periodically leaked from children is a must.

Is there anywhere I can get an application for the position of Miss Barb?

Adiel said...

Wow. When you write it all out like that I think we're underpaying you! If I can get Malachi to actually kiss your hand in a gentlemanly fashion does that count as a raise?