Sunday, December 30, 2007

Are You Qualified?


Job Title: Miss Barb

Job Code: MB-1

Department: Family of God

Job Grade: C-1

Revision Date: 12/30/07

Fair Labor Standards Act (FLSA): Exempt (works for kisses & hugs)

Position Overview

Treats children as the blessing from God that they are. Loves them as if they were own. Respects parent(s) position; cannot usurp their authority.

Essential Job Functions

•Faster than a speeding child. Yelling “STOP” can be used in place of speed.

•Able to leap toy trucks, Polly Pockets, or other tiny paraphernalia. Otherwise, shoes with firm soles, balance and/or high pain tolerance required.

•Patience that lasts the length of a Sunday School class or babysitting session, whichever is longer

•Must know the importance of snack and provide when able

•Listening and ability to fake understanding of garbled pronunciation; but should never fake interest in topic. Interest must be genuine.

Non-essential Job Functions

•Knowledge of Veggie Tales, and current Disney and/or Pixar movies and characters

•Able to fake knowledge of above, as needed

•Good immune system to ward off colds and other kid germs

•Strong knees to sit in tiny chairs or play “Giddy Up”

•Able to kill bugs or fuzzies that look like bugs to child



•No fear of sticky things


Other Skills/Abilities


•Story telling

•Able to express exaggerated emotions and facial features. Cannot be concerned with long term affect of wrinkles by performing same.

•Ability to act as Giant Bean Bag chair

NOTE: This job description is not intended to be all-inclusive. Employee may perform other related duties as negotiated to meet the ongoing needs of the organization.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Drum Roll

I have a new great-niece. Her name is Cadence Elizabeth Best (her father, my nephew Chris, has drummed in Scottish Highland bands - hence the name; her mother's name is Elizabeth).

Cadence was born on November 23, 2007, weighed 9 lbs 8 oz, and was 22" long. Judging from her initial remarks, her sister, Kaileigh (named for the celtic word for party - Ceilidh) age 2, was pretty impressed. Her first comment was "Look at my little sister. She doesn't have any teeth."

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Beauty is Painful

It's been said that beauty is painful. Any woman who's suffered the discomfort of plucking, pantyhose and perm rods can attest to this truth. But more painful than any plastic surgery or curling iron burn is the process of obtaining a beautiful spirit.

Becoming godly downright hurts!

There are many verses that equate becoming godly to physical pain. Think of all the times we ladies have poked ourselves in the eye with the mascara wand and then remember "first take the log out of your own eye..." (Matt 7:5a). Let's not forget the sting of shaving nicks and razor burn, then remember "If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off..." (Matt 5:30).

While we can swear off mascara and never use steam curlers again, there's no avoiding spiritual cuts & bruises. It's pain me now or pain me later ("...for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell." Matt 7:5b).

But it turns out to be worth the effort because we all want to look good for the Wedding Feast.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Mom & Dad, I Apologize

Today, I took Grace and Dora to PetSmart to buy Grace a new collar. I didn't realize that even PetSmart gets really busy during the holidays. And today, there was the added excitement of Christmas pictures with Santa!

Grace nudged a few boxes and bags of treats off the shelf and tried to walk off with one and Dora was chewing on the various chew toys hanging off the crowded racks. In addition, they were wrapping their leashes around my legs and sniffing everything with legs - four or two.

I impulsively decided to have their pictures taken with Santa. We tried a group picture but couldn't get both dogs to face the camera at once. Even magical "Elf-Dust" couldn't have helped, so went the individual route. Grace smiled nicely, but Dora was panic-stricken. TWICE she slipped her collar and tore through the crowded store, with her eyes on the automatic doors. Thankfully, quick-footed volunteers got to her before she was able to get outside.

This brings back memories of my own uncooperative behavior during shopping trips with my parents.

When the dogs and I got home, I promptly called my Dad to apologize. And I promised to send him pictures of the dogs.