Monday, November 28, 2005
Friday, November 25, 2005
Rather than walk the dark parking lot back to the office, I figured it would be easier and safer to walk the half block to McDonald's and use the pay phone outside to call my brother. The phone ate my 50 cents - twice - without completing the calls. Therefore, I had to walk the 2 block back to the office through the cold dark night. Did I mention that I work a few blocks from a prison pre-release center? I called my brother who said he'd come down to help. I walked back to the car (remember - dark, cold night; prison pre-release center) to wait for him. It only took him about 25 minutes to get to me but during that time I struggled to not feel sorry for myself. Continue reading this post, to find out if I was successful in my struggle.
I feel most helpless, lonely and single when I have car troubles. I've done a pretty good job of taking care of myself all these years. I can cook, clean, mow grass, shovel snow, balance a checkbook, and even rewire a lamp. I own and know how to use some power tools. Professionally, I'm very good at what I do. Therefore, I feel I'm well within my rights to NOT have to know anything about cars.
It's not that I'm not capable of understanding the mechanics of an engine, I don't think I should have to know them. That's a man's job. And since there is no man in my life, I feel I've received the short end of the gear shift.
Calling anybody for help I feel I'm inconveniencing them. Actually, it's not just a feeling, but a fact - I AM inconveniencing them. Spouses have an expectation of being cared for; single friends and family members come second...or lower.
I was reading a blog post by Carolyn McCulley where she quoted her pastor, Joshua Harris as saying "A single woman should feel honored and cherished in this church whether or not she has a boyfriend." When I have to take care of car issues - repairs, oil changes, even scraping or brushing off the ice and snow - I don't feel cherished. And when I have to ask for help, I feel bothersome.
The logical answer to handling car problems would be to get a AAA membership and also make sure my cell phone is fully charged so I don't get in situations where I'm stranded alone in cold, dark parking lots. But I don't want to be logical. I spend too much of my days being logical, and always having to think and plan. I want to be cherished. I want to be #1 to someone. I want someone else to do the thinking, especially where cars are concerned.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Monday, November 07, 2005
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
I don’t know if this is an issue for other single people and I also realize that this might be an issue for married persons, but I know it’s an issue for me. And I’m single. So that’s my point of reference.
I don’t come from an overly “huggy” family, but we don’t skimp on affection, either. However, my mother is dead and the rest of my (biological) family lives in other cities, so access to their hugs is limited. Therefore, I’m at the mercy of my church family - my sisters and even brothers in Christ for some outward display of tenderness and friendship. If it weren’t for all my little friends under the age of twelve, I could go months without feeling the touch of another human being. Unless, that is, you include handshakes with those I deal with professionally. Personally, I don’t think they count.
My nephew and his wife recently welcomed their first child. My favorite picture of my great-niece is one where she is only a few hours old, sleeping with her mother's bare arms wrapped around her bare back, her soft cheek resting on her mother's bare shoulder. There is a look of total relaxation in her tiny young face. I can imagine the comfort and security she is feeling with that skin to skin sensation. Until a few hours before, all she knew was a total physical connection to her mother, but now she'll only experience it when her mother chooses. (She need not worry, though. I think her mom choose it alot. But that's for another blog)
God created us as sensual beings - that is, referring to our senses. He gave us sight, smell, speech, hearing, and feeling. We’ve got this amazing nervous system that is able to communicate simple touches to our brains and translate them in to messages of love. Often, when Jesus healed the sick, He touched them in the process. Now surely, being God, He could have healed them without actually touching them, so there must have been some other reason. Perhaps they needed the physical sensation of His love.
Both Peter and Paul speak of greeting others with a kiss. I’d settle for a simple pat on the back or hand on my arm. Now, I don’t expect my vast blog audience to rush me and sweep me off my feet with loving embraces the next time they see me. I don’t even expect a magic transformation of your normal physical reserve or reticence. I’m just asking you to maybe consider to possibly think that you might offer some physical display of affection to me or another sensory-deficient person. Take a chance. I might even hug you back...if I'm not too shy.