Rather than walk the dark parking lot back to the office, I figured it would be easier and safer to walk the half block to McDonald's and use the pay phone outside to call my brother. The phone ate my 50 cents - twice - without completing the calls. Therefore, I had to walk the 2 block back to the office through the cold dark night. Did I mention that I work a few blocks from a prison pre-release center? I called my brother who said he'd come down to help. I walked back to the car (remember - dark, cold night; prison pre-release center) to wait for him. It only took him about 25 minutes to get to me but during that time I struggled to not feel sorry for myself. Continue reading this post, to find out if I was successful in my struggle.
I feel most helpless, lonely and single when I have car troubles. I've done a pretty good job of taking care of myself all these years. I can cook, clean, mow grass, shovel snow, balance a checkbook, and even rewire a lamp. I own and know how to use some power tools. Professionally, I'm very good at what I do. Therefore, I feel I'm well within my rights to NOT have to know anything about cars.
It's not that I'm not capable of understanding the mechanics of an engine, I don't think I should have to know them. That's a man's job. And since there is no man in my life, I feel I've received the short end of the gear shift.
Calling anybody for help I feel I'm inconveniencing them. Actually, it's not just a feeling, but a fact - I AM inconveniencing them. Spouses have an expectation of being cared for; single friends and family members come second...or lower.
I was reading a blog post by Carolyn McCulley where she quoted her pastor, Joshua Harris as saying "A single woman should feel honored and cherished in this church whether or not she has a boyfriend." When I have to take care of car issues - repairs, oil changes, even scraping or brushing off the ice and snow - I don't feel cherished. And when I have to ask for help, I feel bothersome.
The logical answer to handling car problems would be to get a AAA membership and also make sure my cell phone is fully charged so I don't get in situations where I'm stranded alone in cold, dark parking lots. But I don't want to be logical. I spend too much of my days being logical, and always having to think and plan. I want to be cherished. I want to be #1 to someone. I want someone else to do the thinking, especially where cars are concerned.
2 comments:
Barb, I know exactly what you mean. There are days when I've had a bad day and Crystal has had a bad day, but in this household Crystal's needs come first. I will grant that her bad days tend to be worse than mine, but I constantly feel, well, second. I epect that anything I say here would just be repeating things you already know, but that can be helpful sometimes. Jesus has promised to cherish you. Jesus has also said that He uses means to accomplish His holy desire to make you feel special. Let yourself be a bother. You probably aren't. God will use people to take care of you. And when you don't feel cherished just think that your Bridegroom left all manner of glory to come to this world full of lonely people so that He could die a painful death just because He wanted to be with you for all eternity. Now that is romantic.
There's a danger in commenting on blog posts to which one relates too much. What is meant to be encouragement and relational can quickly denigrate into sinful commiseration.
I'm thankful that is not the case with us! Despite our difference in age (you're young; I'm not as young) I find your input encouraging and valuable.
I don't know if this is the case with you, but sometimes when I'm commenting on your posts, I'm in fact also reminding myself of what I already know. So while I'm trying to impart wisdom and encouragement to you, I wind up teaching myself something.
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