A Tribute to Julius

We were introduced in January, 2008 under extreme circumstances.  My previous vehicle, a Ford Taurus had been totaled.   I had to find a new vehicle quickly.  You were the only one I looked at and after that first test drive I knew you were the one.  If not love at first sight, it was at least an intense like.

You fit me in style, comfort, age.  Not brand new, you had a few miles on you - about 21K.  You had been around the block a few times.  You fit me in all areas except maybe color.  But I grew to love and appreciate your hue.  

Your official color is Blazing Copper.  The Barblings' dad called you the Flaming Pumpkin.  Many people refer to you as red (maybe it's a blue dress/black dress thing going here).  I see orange and thus your name, (Orange) Julius.

A 2008 Ford Escape, escape we did!  We've escaped to 12 states and 2 countries.  We've been up and down mountains, You've carried me through snow, rain, heat, gloom of night.  We've been through tornado-like winds in Indiana and a snow storm across the wiiiiddde state of Ohio.

There was Martin Luther King Day in 2013 when my normal 50 minute commute home took 150 minutes because of a blizzard. THAT trip ended with me sliding in to the back of a WalMart semi and you cracked your bumper cover.

We ran out of gas. We had flat tires. We hit a turkey (more correctly, the turkey hit us) and shattered your windshield. And there was that incident last winter where I drove you (unintentionally) in to a snow filled drainage ditch (sorry).

We've carried kids and dogs and camping gear and shopping bags. You've heard me laugh and cry and scream. You keep my secrets.

Now, after 154K miles together, it's time to put you "out to pasture". I do so unwillingly but both our safety is at stake.  I'm not sure we'd make it through another winter.

The first bumper sticker I ever placed on you was a "Longmire for Sheriff" sticker, after the Craig Johnson book series.  That bumper sticker is now in tatters, much like Walt Longmire himself.

Tomorrow, I trade you in for a new vehicle, but you can never be replaced.  You'll stay in my memories forever.  I can't imagine anyone better for me than you, Julius.

Goodbye my faithful friend. You've served me well.

Insomnia

Late at night,
Or very early morning
Nascent thoughts
Evoke
Longing.
Yet will I trust Him.

Crucified

My heart is torn to pieces.
My desire ripped from me;
My desire, not Yours.

If this were a medical procedure
There'd be anesthesia
And plenty of meds afterwards.

But this is not surgery,
No doctor wielding a scalpel.
This is a crucifixion.

My desire is being crucified,
But unlike Jesus, because of Jesus
God has not forsaken me.

God has not forsaken me!
He is with me; the Holy Spirit within me.
My Helper. My Comforter.

When will this end?
How will this end?
And what, if anything will You resurrect
From my dead desire?

Senseless

I was made
  with ears that hear
    and eyes that see,
But he does not speak to me.
He hides himself from my sight.

I was given a mouth
  that longs to taste his mouth;
A nose the sniffs the air
  seeking his musky, virile smell.
But he is nowhere to be found.

I was created with a body,
  with skin and nerves
    that wait for his touch
      to send waves of excitement through me!

He is absent.

My heart is so alone
  it's beats echo loudly,
    drowning out my sobs and wails.
So empty
  the slightest of breaths
    sends waves of pain throughout
      when they touch the raw exposed surfaces
Of my soul.

I wait upon my Redeemer
  to make right what is so wrong,
    to heal my heart
That He made,
  to fill my longing desire
He placed deep inside me;

To keep His promises

...Hope

Heartache

Heartache

 Hundreds of puzzle pieces You’ve given me.

I received each one with joy!

I pieced them together

Waiting excitedly, expectantly for the final piece to be inserted,

And find out I’ve been wrong.

The picture I thought I was putting together

Was different from the one You had on Your box.

You’ve left thousands of crumbs on the trail for me.

I’ve followed with anticipation

Of what waits at the end.

I came to the end of a trail today.

I followed the wrong trail

Fix my mistakes, dear God.

Help me find the right path.

“The LORD is good to those who wait for him,

   to the soul who seeks him.”

      -Lamentations 3:25

Digestion

Heartache.
Death of romance.
Like King David, at the death of his baby
   I wash my face, take a meal
      wanting to move forward,
         wanting to trust You!
I eat and drink in Your Word
   seeking comfort, sustenance,
      trying to "taste and see that the LORD is good".
It sits in my soul like rocks,
   heavy and unsatisfying;
      like a meal that just "sits there"
         leaving me full
            but still hungry.
But if I wait,
   it will break down
      ...eventually.
It will digest
   and my soul will absorb its nourishment.
      I will be sustained.



Johnny Appleseed

In my many efforts to develop a consistent Bible reading habit I’ve read Psalm 1 countless times, along with Genesis 1 and Matthew 1, as well. I’ve never been great at Scripture memory but due to the number of times I’ve read this Psalm I’ve practically memorized it, so when I read it I run words together or skim over it. My latest reading, however, got me thinking a bit. I didn’t speed read this time. And so, Psalm 1 coupled with current headlines inspired these thoughts.

I love trees.  I always have - from Girl Scout hikes to camping. Many times, when I’ve purchased trinkets, cards or home decorative items I’ve bought things with trees or leaves without even realizing it.  Trees have some pull over me. Maybe it’s my Celtic blood, my inner druid!

In Psalm 1 faithful believers are likened to well-watered trees; productive, standing hearty and strong. But it’s not for just themselves they exist by that riverside referenced in the psalm. They support the surrounding community as well. Trees offer shelter and supply food.  But what I also realized was trees prevent erosion.  A tree’s root system stabilizes the soil preventing runoff, while the leaves and branches protect the ground from the wind and rain.

Our culture is eroding, carried away by torrents of sin. It’s eroding because there aren’t enough trees to stand firm against the wash, and many of the trees that do exist are not well-rooted.

A culture is not merely a collection of traditions or a way of life; a culture is people. The culture being swept away is our neighbors, friends, family. They’re being left to drown in a sea of sin. Erosion is happening at such an alarming rate. What can we do to save them?

The solution is obvious - plant more trees!

So how can we go about planting these trees?

Trees reproduce from seeds from the fruit of the tree. We can plant more trees of faithful believers by producing fruit.  God told us in His Word the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control.  Growing more fruit brings more trees.

But it’s not a matter of quantity.  A forest of shallow-rooted trees or young seedlings will be easily carried off by the floods of evil along with the rest of humanity. We need healthy, well-rooted trees mixed in with the saplings to provide protection.

In order to do this we need to be healthy trees ourselves, well-rooted and grounded in the law of the LORD, as Psalm 1 advises.  As Jesus said in Matthew 7 “So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit.”

We become healthy trees by knowing God’s Word. This is more than an intellectual exercise, being able to quote verses and hold our own in theological discussions.  To know the Word is to drink it in and have it hydrate our entire being – our thoughts, words and deeds – the fruit of the Spirit. Regularly reading God’s Word and meditating on, that is thinking about what you read throughout the day is one way to develop a strong root system. By meditating you will know more than God’s Word. You’ll know God, as well. You’ll grow to know His character.

Another way to develop delight in the Law of the LORD is to worship at a church where the Word is preached – the whole Bible, both Old and New Testaments.   God is love, certainly and we are saved by grace, for sure! But Jesus and the writers of the New Testament regularly refer to the Old Testament – the Psalms, prophets and history.  Hearing only one portion of Scripture without the context of the entire Bible is like watering a tree with distilled water. Trees might grow but they will be weak from mineral deficiency, unable to withstand storms or drought. And if by chance they do yield fruit it will be of poor quality.

The Psalmist advises us to not take counsel from the ungodly. To cultivate a healthy faith we need to be discerning about from whom we take advice and receive direction.  Self-help books are one of the top-selling genres. Magazines covers entice us with headlines touting “10 Steps to a Perfect Peace”, or the like. Poignant Facebook memes touch our hearts with sentimental quotes expressing pleasant thoughts but poor theology. We are surrounded by ungodly counsel, much of it in disguise. It’s easy to absorb it without even intending.

Proverbs 4:23 tells us to guard our hearts. The onslaught of information and misinformation from our hypermedia-driven society can be overwhelming and make us feel hopeless.  But James 1:5 says “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” We need to pray the Spirit help us filter out the bad and take in that which is beneficial and encourages good fruit. Paul told us in Philippians 4:7 how God answers such prayers when he said “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Our world is fast becoming a wasteland and the Church has no one to blame but ourselves. Yet there is still hope!  The promises of God’s Word are still true; they always will be. One promise was “…I am with you always, to the end of the age.”  He said this to His apostles when He gave them the Great Commission, “go therefore and make disciples of all nations…”.  We need to plant more trees.

What's one way you helped plant or nurture a "tree" today?

The REAL Hope Diamond

This was originally posted back in August 2010.  I'm reposting because I need to be reminded of what it says. I hope you all enjoy it.

Two Sundays ago, I heard a sermon titled Chosen.  In it my pastor pointed out that like Israel, believers today (of which I am one) were chosen by God and it was not just a cold, calculated choice, but one made with loving affection for His people.

During my Monday evening walk with a friend, we talked about this sermon.  My friend asked me if I believed that I was chosen - in this manner - He could have chosen anyone, but He chose me.  I answered that I believe that I'm chosen, this is directly borne out in the Word, but I have trouble grasping the affectionate part.  God chose a lot of other people, as well.  I'm one of billions of people that Jesus chose, what sets me apart?  What makes me special?  What makes me noticed?  She responded that just as I enjoy certain aspects in one of my dogs and other traits in the other dog - just as she appreciates certain qualities in each of her individual children, there is some trait in me that God enjoys.

I pondered this for a day or two and determined...it's not about me.  Though I want to be and AM special, it is because God created me that way.  Focusing and seeking what makes me special is demeaning to He that created me.  He placed a particular trait of His inside me; inside each of us, by His own design and for His own purposes.  It is in His image that I was made, formed, sculpted.

Bu...what does that mean - in His image?

God created man in His own image - this is direct from Genesis and even many Bible-illiterate have heard this.  God has many facets to His image and He placed one of those facets in each one of us.

A facet is one face of a diamond's cut.  Facets determine the amount of light refracted.  They are what give a diamond it's "bling".  The more facets a diamond has, the more brilliant the diamond.  Skilled diamond cutters have developed diamonds with up to 221 facets, though most have dramatically fewer.  In fact, the Hope Diamond, with all it's brilliance and storied past, has only 74 facets.  These pale in comparison to God.

If each member of the world's past, present and future population has just one facet of God's image, then His glory is a diamond of billions, trillions, gazillions of facets.  Such brilliance would be more than spellbinding; it would sear your eyes.  Then it would kill you.

In Exodus (Ex 33:12 - Ex 34: 1-35) Moses asked to see God's glory.  God mercifully declined, as to do so would kill Moses.  He did, however, come to Moses under cloud cover.  And still, Moses' face radiated with God's light after spending time with Him.  A mere shadow of His glory caused Moses' face to shine!

My little facet does nothing by itself.  A diamond with only one facet is a glass splinter.  Combined with all the other facets, we shine brightly.  But even this is only because of our Creator, who inserted each facet in to each of us.  And a diamond does not have light of it's own; it won't shine in total darkness.  A diamond reflects light, just as we reflect the light of God.

Cheap Grace and Designer Purses

I'm currently reading a devotional book, 40 Days with Dietrich Bonhoeffer.  In one reading Bonhoeffer wrote of what he calls "cheap grace", which he defines:

"Cheap grace is the grace we bestow on ourselves. Cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, Communion without confession...Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate."

As I read this, the image that popped in to my mind was...purses.  Cheap purses. Knock off handbags.  Purses with fake designer labels - they look like the original but on close inspection, they lack the marks of quality craftsmanship originals have.   

Counterfeit bags typically have poor workmanship with loose threads and uneven stitching.  They’re usually made from less expensive materials, with buckles and clasps that are hollow and tarnish easily.  These bags don’t hold up to normal wear and tear and when they get wet, quite often the dyes run and the “leather of questionable means” smells really bad!

People who purchase these purses don’t care they fall apart easily because it’s a simple matter of throwing them out and getting new, more current styles.  They’re easily replaced, suiting the whims of the buyers.  They don’t see the purpose or sense of investing in a classic that will last them a long time.  Besides, expensive purses require a bit of care!

Leathers need conditioned; materials need cleaned; care must be taken to not toss the bags around carelessly or leave exposed to extremes.  Some people don’t think it’s worth the effort to maintain a purse; they see it as a utilitarian and consumable supply or as a fashion statement that only needs to last a season. They’ll keep it as long as it looks good.

Cheap grace is like a counterfeit designer purse. At first glance, it might look like the real thing. Up close, though, it lacks the character and integrity of the genuine article.  Cheap grace doesn’t hold up under even moderate use – Sundays and maybe a few mid-week prayer meetings. The cheapest of cheap grace only has to survive Christmas and Easter!

Though they’d never admit it, far too many Christians see their faith through consumers’ eyes, viewing cheap grace as the best investment since they only need it until the next style comes in to fashion – the next theme, the next inspiring quote, the next movement. And unfortunately, these people convince others that this grace is the genuine article, gathering unsuspecting believers along the way.

However, grace – cheap or otherwise – isn’t a disposable commodity.  When cheap grace is soaked by some thunderstorm, it’s not a purse that comes unglued and smells bad; it’s someone’s heart and soul, left in pieces, disillusioned and bitter.  A heart and soul left wary of ever investing in any grace ever again, even the genuine article.

Forgiveness without repentance does not assuage guilt, but glosses it over, leaving it to be dealt with another day. Baptism without church discipline is membership without commitment; nothing to be counted on, no sure foundation on which to stand. And Communion without confession?  Well, that’s just a piece of bread and a thimbleful of grape juice; a meaningless ritual.

Designer original grace is a free gift (Ephesians 2:8-9) from the Creator but it requires care for it to last. Daily attention is needed to keep it in good order.  Certainly, there are behaviors from which to abstain – Romans 13:13 give a list of ways by which believers can “walk properly” or “behave decently” to keep grace unscathed; but these actions done without wholehearted engagement result in half-hearted efforts – cheap grace.

Jesus said the greatest commandment was to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind; in other words, you preserve grace by loving God with your entire self.  Believers are to be the genuine article, recipients and bestowers of authentic grace; the real thing.

Protecting the Designer original is hard work and sadly, the free gift that God is wanting to lavish on the world is not in demand.  It’s out of fashion.  I admit there are times (far too many times, if I’m going to be honest) I envy the seeming ease of cheap grace; an “I’m OK, you’re OK”, low-maintenance faith. I‘ve amassed my own collection of cheap, fake fashion accessories in my lifetime.

Jesus said we’re to count the cost if we want to be His disciples (Luke 14:28). He speaks of serving and putting others ahead of ourselves. He speaks of being mocked and suffering for His sake.  That free handbag will cost you in blood, sweat and tears – many tears! Yet considering the eternal rewards of God’s promises, the cost is minimal.

What’s amazing is not only is the gift free, but by His death and resurrection, Jesus gives us the ability to perform the maintenance!  His promises do all the heavy lifting! Promises like “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” , “Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.”, and “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”,  to quote just a few.

On the front end, cheap grace looks appealing but it has no staying power. Accepting anything other than the genuine article is a gamble, only it's not your reputation as a fashionista that you are betting, you’re gambling your eternal soul.  In the gospel of Mark, Jesus is quoted  "For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?" Those bargain bags aren't really bargains after all.

Accepting genuine grace brings about great reward, now and later. There are many verses that speak of this, such as "The wicked earns deceptive wages, but one who sows righteousness gets a sure reward" (Prov 11:18), "Whosoever despises the word brings destruction on himself, but he who reveres the commandment will be rewarded" (Prov 11:13)

Precious items such as these only fit in designer original handbags.  Accept no substitute.

Relationships are Like Meatloaf

(This was originally posted August 4, 2010, but I still find it current and releavnt)

You can’t make a good meatloaf without mixing it up with your hands. You have to dig in to the gloppy mess up to your wrists, bread crumbs under your fingernails, grease coating your hands.

Some cooks will try to mix everything with a spoon, but this creates a splotchy, not so appetizing product.

Other cooks are only willing to get their hands so dirty so the various ingredients never really blend together and the end result is inconsistent and not as flavorful as it could be.

When a cook plunges their hands in to the meat and eggs and seasonings, being sure to spread everything around, the resulting loaf is a savory delight. This messy amalgam becomes a fulfilling meal and produces leftovers for days to come. In fact, the leftovers are better the next day once everything has had a chance to meld. Good meatloaves hold up well in the freezer, as well reminding the diners of the chef’s great skills, long after the initial meal was enjoyed.

Relationships are like meatloaves. The best ones can be very messy, at times. Those who keep their distance with the spoon find meatloaf bland and not to their liking. Those who only half-heartedly mix things up never experience the satisfaction a great meatloaf.

Those who are willing to dive in with both hands, who fully commit to the work involved, they get to enjoy this full sensory feast. Sometimes onions may produce tears, salt may sting a previously unnoticed cut, a hidden piece of eggshell may lodge itself painfully under a fingernail. But still the end result – the ultimate in comfort food – is worth it, with leftovers and memories  feeding the soul for many meals.

Hands, Touching Hands

My friends
Reach out to me
In kindness
And with love.
All I see
Are their hands;
Left hands,
With rings
And their touch
Stings my soul.

Oh Christmas Tree

I took down the Christmas tree today,
Gently lifting each ornament
From dried out branches
Trying not to spill too many needles.

I thought of many of the people who gave them to me.
Many are doing this same task,
Removing the ornaments
From their trees.

"Our First Christmas Together",
"Our First House"
"Baby's First Christmas"
"Disney Vacation"

History displayed in decorations.
Trees filled with hundreds,
Thousands of memories.
My tree filled with hopes and wishes.

Despite my best efforts
The floor is carpeted with needles
Resembling a lonely,
Dark forest floor.

I tip the tree to drag it outside
Forgetting the water in the stand.
It spills and soaks my slippers.
Or is it a pool of tears in which I stand?

Changes

The God who never changes
Is always changing me.
Though He loves me as I am
He wants what’s best for me.


Softening harsh edges,
Removing sinful stains,
Adding joy and holiness,
My loss is always gain.


Wrestle, rant and rave with Him;
Tears, grief, fury, and despair.
Exhaustion overtakes me
Still I rage on my selfish war.


Life is very painful.
As He increases, I decrease.
Stretch marks, growing pains;
I beg for some relief!


Comfort and forgiveness come
In ways I could not dream,
With knowledge, insight, wisdom
That I share in Christ’s suffering.


It’s a privilege not all are privy.
Though I confess, I would prefer
He answer in other ways
But to His perfect plan I do defer.


He’s the same yesterday, today, tomorrow.
I’m glad that I am not.
What is now is better than before
But what’s to come is better yet.


I wait upon the LORD
To keep promises He made to me,
Not dreams or fanciful wishes
But solid, true certainties


Of peace, joy, contentment
Always and eternally.
No sin, no sorrow, no pain
Jesus gave us that surety. 


For He’s the God who never changes;
With kindness and tenderness He’s changing me.
Though He loves me as I am
He wants what’s best for me.

My Father the Car???

In the mid 1960's there was a television show called "My Mother the Car".  The premise of the show was of a man who's dead mother was reincarnated in his family's car.  She would speak to him through the car radio.

God, my Father speaks to me through my car.  No, I don't hear His voice coming from the radio, the glove compartment, or any other part. But He routinely has used my car to remind me of His constant presence in and care for my life.

First, there was the manner in which I got this car in the first place, back in 2008.  Then there were a number of incidents during my New England vacation of 2013. There was the breakdown that happened the day before my birthday in June.  And then there was last Thursday.

About six weeks ago, I took my car in to the shop because of a strange vibration I felt in the brakes.  I was a bit anxious that it would be a large expense, but as had happened in June, the repair costs were half what I anticipated.  A good thing, too since I knew that when I would have the car inspected in December I was going to probably need two new tires.

When I picked up the car my mechanics informed me that they recommended all four tires be replaced and that two of them needed replaced immediately, they were worn down to the metal replacement indicators and dangerous to drive.  SomeDivinehow, I was able to buy four new tires. Two times the planned expense, two months earlier than I expected.

Later I looked at the mechanic's work order and noticed another strongly recommended repair. Apparently, the protective covering around all four of my brake hoses had cracked and crumbled off, exposing the vulnerable soft hoses to damage.  If they ruptured, I would be without brakes. Understand that my daily commute is 47 miles each way, primarily over interstate highways. I drive at high speeds over all sorts of road debris and roadkill.  I don't know how long I'd been driving with exposed brake hoses, but I've always been able to stop when I wanted.

I made the appointment to have the hoses replaced, along with the annual inspection, for Wednesday and someDivinehow, I was able to pay for it all.

On Thursday morning a coworker messaged me to let me know road conditions were bad, so I left twenty minutes early.  His assessment of the roads was actually an understatement! My normal fifty minute commute took ninety minutes.

That morning's commute ranks in the top five of Worst Trips Ever.  The first third of the trip the roads were icy.  The second third, the visibility was poor with high winds and blowing, drifting snow. The final third portion of the trip, it was both! Frequently I could feel the car slip and right itself.  Ice was building up on the wipers, rendering them practically useless  I frequently adjusted the wiper speeds, like playing the gears on a bike, trying to get the most effectiveness from variable speeds and hoping to dislodge the ice.

I thought of stopping and pulling over to manually clear the wipers but because of plowed snow and drifts I couldn't see the shoulder of the road and could possibly get stuck.  There was more traffic out than usual as well, so I thought it best to stay in the car and just keep moving forward, continually shifting my attentions through small clearances that would appear in different spots on the windshield.  At times, I had to lean far over to the passenger side for the only available view.

My shoulders and neck were aching from hunching over. My back was hurting from the strain of my ever shifting positions.  Stretch up, crouch down.  Lean left, lean right.  I was starting to feel real pain, not mere discomfort.

I prayed the entire trip.  Honest, white knuckle prayers, to be sure!  Like the man in the gospel of Mark -"I believe. Help my unbelief!" (and while You're at it, please keep that FedEx semi from running me off the road).  Yet, throughout the entire trip I was amazingly calm - or at least calmer than usual. I knew I had four brand new tires with sure tread, dependable brakes and only the day before, mechanics whom I trust had deemed my car safe to drive.

My faith, though was not in the reliability of my Cooper Discoverer H/Ts or in Ford Engineering.  It was in God, who'd taken care of all these things for me, before I needed them. Cooper and Ford don't know me; my needs or desires, the hairs on my head or even my hair color, for that matter.  God does, because He made me, gave me all of those needs, desires, etc.  He planned them.

Thursday's commute was frightening, I will admit.  Despite my faith, it is an imperfect faith, being perfected daily by circumstances in which God places me. And I have no desire to find myself shivering in a snow-filled ditch on I86.  But I found that trip encouraging.  I saw evidence that some of the faith exercises God has put me through have produced some muscle.

Certainly God has spoken to people from burning bushes and clouds in the sky, but for most of us he speaks through cars, stacks of laundry, full calendars, joblessness, family disputes and the like.  He speaks through our everyday lives - lives He lovingly plotted.  And what Jesus frequently says is "Will you trust Me now?"

The Suck It Up Sisters - Part 1 Vacuums vs Milkshakes

Recently, I had a disagreement with a very dear friend.  There was a function neither of us was looking forward to attending. I sucked it up and went. She cancelled out at the last minute, which I did not find out until I got there.

Angry, I sent her a text from the party that said if I could suck it up then she should have as well and shown her face. I was wrong - for being angry and for my mean-spirited text (and for all the evil thoughts I had that no one ever saw or heard or even knows about).  I went to her and apologized - to her and to God.  Both gave me their forgiveness.

A few days later she and I exchanged texts:

ME:  I'm going to order us t-shirts that say "The Suck It Up Sisters".  Should our logo be a vacuum cleaner or a straw?

SHE:  Ha! Ha!  Definitely vacuum We suck up all our garbage. :) Plus straws make me think of milkshakes and now I want a milkshake. :D

With all due respect to my friend, she's wrong,  The logo should be the milkshake. It's not our job to do the cleaning because Jesus already has. For example:

"Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow..." (Is 1:18)

And then there's:

"For all of us have become like the one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment..." (Is 64:6) BUT...  "He spoke and said to those who were standing before him, saying 'Remove the filthy garments from him'.  Again he said to him, 'See, I have taken your iniquity away from you and will clothe you with festive robes.'" (Zech 3:4) (emphasis mine)

To support the milkshake, there are these verses:

"Taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! (Ps 34:8)

"How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!" (Ps 119:103)

"Your words were found, and I ate them; and your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart, for I am called by your name, O LORD, God of hosts." (Jer 15:16)

Certainly, there are times when we're called to "suck it up".  There is:

"Then Jesus told His disciples, 'If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me."  (Matt 16:24)

And:

"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."

Yet, all too often I suck it up in the wrong manner for the wrong reasons.  I put on a mask of happiness because "God loves a cheerful giver" (2Cor 9:7) or at least that's the reason I tell myself. In fact, it's more likely I don't want people to think badly of me or I want people to think I've got it all together.

Removing my mask makes me vulnerable.  There will be people offended or who won't like the real me (ouch);or some will try to comfort or help me, bruising my self-reliant pride (double ouch); or they will confront me on some sin they see (oh, just kill me now!).

In so many instances, my reasons for sucking it up are sinful. Yet, as my pastor often says, once something is identified as sin it's easy because we know the remedy for sin - repent and believe in the gospel. Yes, I know it's easier said than done; but it's true and well worth the effort

The Promised Land was described as a land flowing with milk and honey. The Word speaks of fruits of repentance (Matt 3:8).  I see a strawberry milkshake there, folks!  Or banana smoothie whatever your pleasure.

It's really hard to suck up the milkshake through a mask.  The little mouth holes aren't big enough and they knock the straw around. To fully enjoy what God has offered us through Jesus we need to remove our masks.  Some of those around us might be surprised by what we really look like, some will be frightened away.  But those that know and love us best already knew what we looked like anyway.  And none of them know us better or love us more than Jesus.

Nature Abhors a Vacuum

Its not an imbalance
That a chemical can counter.
Its not a weight
A drug can lift up.

Its pain.  Real pain.
A hole in my heart
With raw tissue exposed,
Stinging as if alcohol is being poured over me.

A deep inhale of ice cold air
On a subzero day burns my lungs.
Breathing hurts! But its necessary;
So I suffer the searing pain.

A cavity inside me
With nerves exposed.
Air being blown inside
Jolts of agony travel my body.

Nature abhors a vacuum
And so do I.
Jacob wrestled You; Hannab begged.
And so do I.

Please, answer me
As you answered them.

$#IT Happens

Opinions differ in the religious realm on the use of expletives .  There's the famous commandment about not taking the LORD's name in vain; yet, technically unless one uses the word God or Jesus Christ in the phrase this commandment is not applicable.

There is the Bible verse about unwholesome words (Ephesians 4:29), which has also been translated and interpreted as foul language, corrupt speech, and abusive talk to name a few.  But foul is "in the ear of the beholder" and one person's swearing can be another person's normal manner of speech.

Me, I take the middle ground.  I was raised to not swear.  If I had, my dad would probably have cussed me out! The use of some crude language does not phase or offend me and I admit that certain words have passed my lips.  You see, there are times "Darn!" and "Son of a GUN!" do not adequately express my true feelings of the moment.

Last week, I was running with Lucy when calamity struck.  I've run hundreds of miles with my dogs and this was the first time anything like this happened.  About halfway through our two-mile run the "waste" bag exploded on me.  And it's (uh) contents were not in their usual (ahem) compact form (I'm trying to be genteel here, folks).  Needless to say, my immediate reaction was shock and surprise, with a bit of disgust thrown in for good measure.  But at a time when a certain expletive would have been very appropriate; undeniably a statement of fact I said "Oh shoot" instead.

Lucy and I immediately reversed course and headed home.  It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon and my neighbors were out in full force. Sun shining brightly, they all walked with heads held high, wide awake and aware, taking in their surroundings, especially the lady in the red t-shirt walking her dog.  I was hard to miss.  Dog leash in one hand, half full blue plastic bag in the other, strange brown splotches staining the front of my t-shirt as well as the cuffs of the sleeves. I was trying too hard to be unnoticed, walking surreptitiously, avoiding all eye contact. I walked bent over a bit, trying to cover the brown stains, but I couldn't bend over too much lest I spread the damage. Besides, I didn't want my face anywhere near my shirt.  It stunk!

As we walked towards people, I found myself again muttering "Oh, shoot".  Neighborhood dogs, attracted to my new scent approached me with glee and I thought "Oh, shoot!"  When I saw people I knew, I groaned this epithet, adding additional syllables "Oh, shoooooot".

Somehow we made it the mile home without me being overcome by fumes, embarrassment or a bout of retching. Once in the safety of the my house, I threw my clothes in to the washer and threw myself in to a hot shower.  Lucy and Dora were a bit disappointed, hoping they could roll around in my dirty laundry a bit.  After the decontamination process, I calmed myself by telling myself no one had gotten close enough to know what was on my shirt (except for maybe the neighborhood dogs) and filed the incident in the back of my brain.

But that is not the end of the story.  I think my guardian angel has a side job as the Patron Saint of Irony.

At work a few days later, we received shipment of a statue for the chapel (I work at a church-sponsored organization).  The order had been placed 8 weeks prior and was complicated.  The statue, a 4-foot tall wooden carving of the Risen Christ, was pricey and had been shipped all the way from Italy.

When the Receiving staff told me the order had come in I asked how it looked.  They said it was fine but one woman thought one arm looked odd.  My shoulders and my countenance sagged.  And there, in a church-run organization, in reference to a statue of the Savior of the universe what words do you think fell out of my mouth?  "Oh Sh*t!"

I give up trying to make sense of me.

Negative Splits

Yesterday, I ran in the Erie Runners' Club Turkey Trot 5K.  This was either my 4th or 5th time running this race and it's become an annual tradition, as much a part of my Thanksgiving holiday as turkey dinner.  I'm not fleet-footed, as my race times bear out but I enjoy being outdoors and the physical challenge.  And as I tell my running partner Adiel, at least we are out there and not at home on the couch.  Yesterday, I read a quote that presented it better.  It said "No matter how slow you go, you are still lapping the people on the couch."


During today's run I was thinking about this (when you run as slow as I do, you have a lot of time to think).  Sure, some of the people lounging at home are lazy, but a number of them have very legitimate reasons for not running.  Health issues, finances, responsibilities, child care.  I was not better than they were for having raced.  Nor were those across the finish line sooner, better than me (though they were better runners, for sure).


The verse "...let us run with endurance the race that is set before us."  (Hebrews 12:1) came to mind. Though we were all on the same course running the same distance, the race ahead of me was different than the other 3,100 people there and it was God who decided who should do what and when.


My goal is to someday run a 5K in under 40 minutes.  My official time was 44:25.3 I knew at the 2.6 mile mark that I wouldn't make my goal but then my phone app informed that my most recent split times were faster than those earlier in the race.  I was running negative split times; running faster at the end of the race than I had at the beginning!


While training for this race, I was much more intentional.  I followed a particular training schedule and even downloaded music that had the beats per minute that would help me achieve the pace I wanted to meet that sub 40 minute race time. Running negative splits was quite an accomplishment for one of my limited skills and the news encouraged me to put forth the effort to run the rest of the way to the finish line rather than walk.


Negative splits seem to be happening in my spiritual race, as well.  My spiritual pace seems to have picked up, with God blessing me with insight and (dare I say) wisdom. Sometimes the Spirit throws so many nuggets my way I can't catch them all; it's overwhelming. Yet, none of this would have been possible had it not been for the "training days" of my past.  Many of those "training sessions" were very difficult, tortuous in fact.  I slogged through some very difficult situations that taxed me and darn near drained my emotional and spiritual stores.  Many times I was on the verge of throwing in the towel and just living the life I wanted, running my own race on the course of my choosing rather than the one God laid out for me.  To His glory and by His mercy, He didn't let me stray off course and by His grace I kept plodding on.


I believe my spiritual split times have improved because, like my recent training regimen, I'm more intentional about my relationship with God.  Because I've come so close to giving up at times and was given a glimpse of how terrifying that would be, I concentrate on the center of the course, staying away from the edges when I can.


Spiritual training can take many forms - church attendance, meditation, prayer, sacrifice, etc.  But performing these acts doesn't produce any spiritual stamina unless the soul is engaged.  Going to church or Bible study without involvement of your heart and an active faith is like buying running shoes and jogging pants but never going for a jog. You might look like a runner but you'll never make it through a race and when the weather is bad you might not even show up, choosing to stay home on the couch.


I've made it this far because I believe God's promises; promises like "I will never leave you or forsake you.", "He will make your paths straight" and "He will grant you the desires of your heart"; there are hundreds of them.  Some of those promises will be fulfilled along the way while others won't be experienced until the end of the race.  But I keep my eyes opened, looking for those answers, whenever and however they appear.


I don't know if I'll maintain my current pace or what the path ahead looks like; what twists, turns or hills lie ahead.  I don't even know how far along in this race I am!  Fifty-three years?  One hundred and three years (my grandmother made it to 102, so this is entirely possible)?  Regardless, I will continue plodding along on the race God planned for me at the pace He set for me.  The pace He established - sometimes a fast run, other times a slow walk - He established with the intent of my finishing.  He promised. 


 ^"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."  Philippians 1:6

Deliverance

I come in from the cold

Shivering. My nose and toes
Numb from frigid temperatures.
The sound of the furnace kicking on

Greets me, calling me deeper inside.

My fingers sting; the heat hurts

As my hands begin to thaw.

But the sound of the fan blowing

Warm air reminds me
Comfort lies in the future.

I need only wait.

Thou, Oh LORD, are a Shield for Me - Thoughts on Singleness, Part 2

In my lifetime, I’ve been the recipient of a lot of bad advice on being single. Some of the most common:

1. “When you stop wanting it, it will come.” (If I stop wanting it, when it comes I won't        want it, so why stop wanting it?)
2. “Be yourself.”  (This one isn’t bad advice.  It’s just that some of the same people who told me this 20 years ago have since told me I should lose weight, be more feminine,  show more cleavage.  So I guess they were really telling me “Be yourself, but change”?)
3. “Marriage is a lot of work.” (I’ve never shied away from hard work, and I’d like to add being single is a lot of work, too).
4. My personal favorite, and thus the focus of this post -“God is protecting you.”

From what exactly is God protecting me? The implication is by keeping me single, God is protecting me from a bad relationship and heartache.  But I experience heartache every day and I know many faithful believers who have been in bad relationships.  Has God not been protecting us?

Calamity or lack of is not the best indicator of God’s protection.  Far too many Christians experience tragedy – illness, death of loved ones, persecution and even torture.  Is God not protecting any of these people? Of course He is!

The Word speaks of many examples of God’s protection.  The word “protect” appears over twenty times in the Bible.  Add in the words protection, refuge and fortress and the number is higher than I care to take the time to count.  Suffice it to say – a lot.

That God is protecting me, or any of us, is not in question.  It’s the question that is under review.  I asked “From what is God protecting me?” when I should have asked “What is God protecting?” 

As I was saying the LORD’s Prayer the other day, I was struck by the words “lead me not in to temptation”.  Thousands of times I’ve prayed that prayer and repeated that phrase.  The temptation I was thinking about was along the lines of lying, cheating,  and stealing to name a few.  I was praying I would not succumb to the temptation of impatience, anger, gluttony or vanity.  This time a different temptation came to light “Lord, let me not be tempted to make any one or any thing more important than You.”  Then I understood what exactly God has been protecting; He’s protecting my relationship with Him.

Everything He does (or doesn’t do), everything that happens (or doesn’t happen) to me was carefully designed and planned by God to keep me with Him; to keep me reaching for and relying on Him.  The world is filled with distractions good and bad.  Work, finances, and friendships can all divert my attention from my God, when in fact He wants to be intimately involved in every one of those and more. 

In that oft quoted verse, the Apostle Paul described singleness as a gift.  I haven’t been able to fully wrap my head around that yet.  If it’s a gift then its socks and underwear; singleness is “good for me” like lima beans and Brussels sprouts when what I really wanted was wedding cake.

But I now have a clearer understanding of God’s protection.  Instead of standing behind that invisible wall, looking out at the world and all I’d like to have but can’t, instead of trying to break through that force field I need to turn my back on it and towards my God and embrace Him.  It’s not easy.  It’s really hard.  Yet, the alternative – banging myself against that wall – is exhausting.  And the possibility of living outside is protection is too frightening (a story for another time).   So I will try.  God’s grace has gotten me this far, in spite of myself. And for those times when I screw up, because of Jesus, His new-every-morning mercies are readily available until He leads me home