I Wonder...

Is it possible to be happy for someone, while at the same time feel sorry for yourself?

A Psalm for Menopause

Why is it called menoPAUSE?
It's not a Pause
but a click on the Stop button,
never to be restarted again.  Ever.
For eternity.

When I was thirteen, You pushed the Start button
and the inward parts You formed ran like clockwork.
They waited for the day when they would be put to use.
Now, they are slowing down, soon to grind to a halt.

Ten years ago I was counseled by doctors
to press the Delete button.
I didn't.  I couldn't.
I wonder now if I should have.
Would it have made things easier now?

A vacant womb,
never used.
Isn't this like hiding one's light under a bushel?
But You're the one hiding the light.
It's You who's in charge of this Dimmer switch.

You knit this body of mine
and have let me to sit untouched.
Batteries left inside, unused
have started to leak acid onto my heart.
The pain seems unbearable.

The Volume button keeps being pushed..
Louder and louder are the pleas from my soul.
Let me be used!  Fix me!
Make me whole, as I'm supposed to be;
as I see so many other women around me!

The pain seems unbearable,
but it isn't.
You are faithful and do not let me be tempted
beyond my ability to withstand.
You provide the way of escape that I may endure.

For those who love You
all things work together for good
for those who are called
according to Your purpose.
And I have been called.  Chosen, in fact.

This appliance that is me may be gathering dust here,
but in heaven, it's true intent will be accomplished.
You will press the Restart button
and my heart's deepest desires will be fulfilled
never to be Paused or Stopped.
Ever.  For eternity.

The Mood I'm In Today

Here And Heaven

With a hammer and nails and a fear of failure we
are building a shed
Between here and heaven between the wait and the
wedding for as long as we both shall be dead
to the world beyond the boys and the girls trying
to keep us calm
We can practice our lines 'til we're deaf and blind
to ourselves to each other where it's
Fall not winter spring not summer cool not cold
And it's warm not hot have we all forgotten that
we're getting old
 
With an arrow and bow and some seeds left to sow
we are staking our claim
On ground so fertile we forget who we've hurt along
the way and reach out for a strange hand
to hold someone strong but not bold enough to
tear down the wall
'Cause we're not lost enough to find the stars aren't
crossed why align them why fall hard
not soft into
Fall not winter spring not summer cool not cold
And it's warm not hot have we all forgotten that
we're getting old

-Chris Thile