When I moved in to my house in 1996 I thought a few shelves in the kitchen window would be a pretty place to grow a few plants, display some pretty glasses or bottles, etc. And the window has remained barren since that thought first crossed my mind. There isn't even a curtain or a valance in the window. In fact, it's not a window at all but a piece of plexiglass screwed in and duct taped to the wall - it doesn't even have a window frame. (Odd, I know, but I don't care to get explain right now. I have another purpose to this post.)
Today I decided to finally do it. Since I'm unemployed, I have some spare time on my hands. However, since I'm unemployed, I don't have spare cash in my hands. Therefore, I purposed to use various materials (aka "junk") sitting in my basement. I used some scrap pieces of wood, some old rusted screws, etc and hung the shelves.
Since I did not use quality materials and my home repair skills are below basic, the workmanship is not great - in fact, it's laughably shoddy. But I'm proud of the result. And there's the problem - or at least what I think is a problem. (Please comment and let me know if this is or is not a problem.)
The pride in the job is not the issue. I completed a project that I'd wanted done for almost 14 years and I didn't spend a dime. I used my time and my money well - something for which I'm not always noted. But as I was looking at the poor workmanship I thought it would have been a lot better if only I'd asked someone who knew what they were doing to help me. Why didn't I? Is there another kind of pride at work here?
I think I didn't ask because, since I'm single, I feel I'm supposed to be self-sufficient. I'm supposed to be able to do these things on my own or at the very least hire someone to do them. I don't want to impose on anyone - especially for something as trivial as shelves. Those around me have spouses and children to care for. They have their own homes to maintain. And if by chance they do have some free time, they should spend quality time with their families, not hanging shelves in my kitchen window.
As I think this through, I see-saw back and forth. There is truth on both sides. And there are lies, on both sides as well. Where's the balance? What am I missing?
1 comment:
Okay, it's taken me a while, but I'm finally catching up on my blog reading. First, I want to applaud again your ability to feel guilty about anything. That truly is a skill. :)
I think that there's nothing wrong with feeling pride in doing a spiffy job with the shelves and even feeling like you can handle some of these jobs that maybe another woman couldn't do. But I do think there's a problem with wanting to feel self-sufficient. (This is coming from someone who also takes pride in figuring things out for herself.) If we're going to be the Church then we need to let others in the Church help us out. Yes, my Joshua is very busy and yes, I like having him home in his spare time, but I can certainly spare him for an hour or two while he does some odd jobs around your house. Perhaps some people really are too busy to help you, but I know for a fact that you've got a couple people nearby who are itching to help out -and not because we feel sorry for you, but because we LOVE you! And also because you help us out here is whatever way you can. This is just how it's supposed to work. I think the problem comes when someone stops even trying to handle their own problems and just wants others to carry them through it all. But that's not the case with you at all. I'm sure I've got more to say on this, but it will have to wait till I see you tomorrow night. :)
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