Qavah

Qavah

 

Wait expectantly?

I’ve been waiting

On pins and needles

For decades.

 

How many years

Did Sarah wait?

How many times

Did Hannah plead her case?

 

I’ve been waiting.

On pins and needles.

For decades.

 

The pins feel sharper now. 

The needles pierce my heart

To the point of shedding blood.

 

But you already know what that’s like,

Don’t you?

Being pierced,

Shedding blood.

 

So, I’ll wait some more

On painful pins and needles.

On You will I wait

For You to keep Your promise.

Memories

Running reminds me I can do difficult things.

-Marie Krueger-Miller

Helpless

"It's hard for the saints to believe they are helpless if preachers continually tell them 'Here are four things you need to apply to your life', and expect them to do it." - Rev H Leon Ben-Ezra
http://pastorbe.blogspot.com 

A Book Review: Nailed It by Anne Kennedy

A Book Review:

NAILED IT – 365 Sarcastic Devotions for Angry or Worn-Out People

by Anne Kennedy

I first discovered Anne Kennedy via Twitter.  Someone retweeted a tweet of hers that I found interesting, so I started following her.  Following her led me to her blog, which I also found interesting and edifying.  Following her blog led me to her book, this devotional. 

Though I’d found her tweets and blog posts thought provoking, I wasn’t sure about actually investing money in her work, especially a devotional.  There’s a certain vulnerability I give myself over to when reading a devotional versus a commentary or study book.  I don’t read them intellectually or critically but…devotionally. And so I worry my theology could be led astray. But I couldn’t resist the title or the cover. It depicts a woman, Jael from the Book of Judges, holding a mallet and a bloody spike. My warped sense of humor won out!

Anne Carlson Kennedy is an Anglican minister, wife of an Anglican pastor, and home-schooling mother of six, so her understanding of scripture and worn-out people is astute. She self-describes herself as sarcastic, but I only found her mildly so (which could be revealing my own level of sarcasm).

This not a typical devotional book, as I have found typical devotional books.  It is not filled with saccharine messages or trite moral teachings. Though seminary educated, Kennedy’s devotions are not academic lessons, either. Her writing displays scriptural and spiritual insight while her personal examples leave room for the Spirit to stimulate readers’ own personal application.  No cookie cutter answers are offered. What Kennedy describes as sarcastic and angry I call “real”. Her tone and style are a cross between Ann Voskamp and Dorothy Parker.

An excerpt from Day 331 (November 27) – I Cor 5:6 “Your boasting is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump?”

                A little sin goes a long way. It wraps itself around everything. It moves through the whole batch of dough leaving no single part unaffected. There isn’t any way to get rid of it. The people of Israel were supposed to get rid of all the leaven out of their houses before the Passover feast. They had to wash everything and scrub everything and clean and clean, almost to the point of exhaustion. They could satisfy themselves that no leaven was in the house. But what about the air? There can be invisible airborne leaven. I know this because of once trying to make sourdough bread.

                So with sin. A little goes a long way, and you can’t ever completely get rid of it. So why, this being the case, and its power being so immense and destructive, would you go out and find it and bring it in? Because it makes life taste better? Because you think you will overpower it with the good that you dredge up from somewhere inside you? Or maybe through the Spirit. Maybe you will overcome sin through the Spirit.

                No. Don’t think so highly of yourself and your abilities. Flee from sin. Confess your sins. Call out to Jesus for help. You can’t do anything at all without him.  Only blood will wash away the stain of the leaven.

This is a devotional that will allow the Spirit to prick your conscience, encourage your heart, and let you know your LORD and God better. And that’s really what a good devotional is supposed to do.

Year of Jubilee

November 28, 2017 marks my sixth anniversary at my current job. My employer treats me well and I enjoy the work I do. I look forward to working there for many years to come, as long as they'll have me.

 I have a 47 mile, 50-minute commute each way, which I've found amazingly pleasant. By the time I get to work I'm wide awake and by the time I get home, any stresses are miles behind me. I use my commute time for prayer and I listen to music, audio books, and podcasts. I used to regularly listen to talk radio, too; until the 2016 Election Cycle, that is!

My route is primarily on interstate highways and the roads are generally clear, harsh winter weather notwithstanding. My daily journey is scenic, taking me over Chautauqua Lake,  and most days I drive towards the sunrise and sunset.

But...each year there has been an "incident" that gave me cause to be alert, intensified my prayers, and made me humble. On this work anniversary, I take this time to recall these "events".

Year One - The fuel gauge on my car was malfunctioning so I had to keep close watch on the odometer to judge when  I needed to fill my tank.  One morning I had time to either gas up or grab a doughnut.  I looked at the mileage reading and figured I had enough fuel to get to work but would need to refuel on the ride home.  I bought the doughnut (Mighty Fine Angel Cream, if you were wondering). Two blocks from work my car died.  This was one of those humiliating  humbling experiences I'd mentioned.

Year Two - As I mentioned, the roads are generally clear. My issues are very rarely with winter road conditions. Visibility is another story!  One February evening, I hadn't been paying attention to the weather and even worked over, so I got a late start home and not a minute of my ride was in daylight. Not that it would have helped, since it was blizzard conditions.  My normal 50-minute commute took 150 minutes. A portion of the interstate was closed and the detour took me to an unfamiliar country road. It was a downhill route and I felt I was driving in to a dark tube with no end.  Slippery roads and white outs had me moving at 5 mph for much of the drive which caused snow and ice to build up on my windshield wipers, rendering them useless.  At one point I became keenly aware of my isolation, no lights in front of me, no lights behind me.  I pulled over under an overpass and called my brother who was about 35 miles away. He kindly listened to me but gently told me "Barb, I can't come get you".  "I know! I just needed to hear another voice!" I cried.  I hung up, put the car in gear, and slowly pulled out to continue my journey home.  About 6 miles from home, I was able to get off the highway and get on familiar roads. However, I wound up stopped in traffic on a hill.  I had come to a complete stop (really) when I felt my car start to slide.  I desperately pumped the brakes but didn't stop until I bumped in to the WalMart semi in front of me, cracking my bumper cover.  A bright spot to all this was that my boss texted me to make sure I'd gotten home safely.  I told you, they treat me well there!

Year Three - Do you remember that WKRP in Cincinnati episode "With God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly."?  Well, turkeys CAN fly.  Not very high, but they can fly.  They can fly about the height of the windshield of a Ford Escape.  The turkey hit my driver side windshield, shattering it.  I want it on record that the turkey hit ME, I did not hit it. He misjudged his takeoff and flew in to me as I was driving my.  I was about 40 miles from home and (stupidly, I admit) tried to drive the rest of the way by leaning over to look out the passenger side windshield to navigate my way home.  That lasted about a mile before I realized the futility, pulled over and called some friends who lived not too far.  They came to my rescue, waited while the tow truck carted away my vehicle, fed me dinner, and loaned me a car to get home.  It's not just my employer who treats me well.

Year Four - I travel 47 miles to work each day.  My boss travels about 30 miles, much of it the same route I take.  On my way to work one day I noticed a State Police vehicle, lights flashing, had pulled over a vehicle that looked a lot like my boss's car.  I laughed and thought of ways I'd tease him when I got to work.  As I passed the vehicles I also noticed a couple of dead deer and felt sorry for the poor driver.  And the poor deer.  As I walked to my office I looked in to my boss's office and saw he was not there yet.  He could have been in a meeting, he could have had the day off. I figured I'd razz him later.  About 8:30 I heard him talking to someone outside my office.  "No, the air bag didn't deploy" I heard him say.  Air bag!!! I hurried to the hall and said "Was that you????" "Yeah, I saw you drive by."  Yes, folks I drove by my boss as he was stranded on the side of the road after hitting deer.  And it wasn't a couple of deer, but THREE deer he'd hit. I have job security just so he can hold this event over my head until the day I retire.

Year Five - Road crews still kept the highways clear, but there was still nothing to be done about that darned visibility.  On my way to work my wipers once again iced over and I couldn't see.  I needed to pull over to clear them but to do so on the interstate was too dangerous so I decided to pull off at the next exit to find a safe place.  Only I couldn't see the exit.  I traveled to the next exit, and missed that one, too.  The third exit was the charm. The blowing snow calmed down just long enough for me to see the exit and I was able to get off the highway.  The road was still busy, though so I pulled over as far as I could to a place where I could safely exit the car and clean off the wipers.  I pulled over too far, got caught in a couple of ruts that pulled me right in to a large, deep ditch.  How deep?  The snow came up to the hood of my SUV.  From my vehicle I called AAA and ninety minutes later they showed up to tow me out.  I texted work to tell them I would not be in.  In six years I've only missed two days due to snow, though I probably should have missed a few more.

Year Six - I hit a deer. I cried. I didn't cry for the turkey.  HE had it coming.  But the poor deer...

And so I'm entering Year Seven.  In Leviticus it describes the Year of Jubilee, seven cycles of seven Sabbaths.  I don't know where in the cycle we are officially but I'm hoping that this next year is the right seventh year and I get a year off.  My insurance company and the wildlife of Chautauqua County are hoping this, as well.

A Book Review: None Like Him by Jen Wilkin

Following is a book review I wrote for my church.  I was blessed with so much insight about God and His greatness from this book, I cannot recommend it enough!  May you be blessed from it, as well.

A Book Review:

None Like Him: 10 Ways God is Different From Us

(and why that’s a good thing)

by Jen Wilkin

About 18 months ago, I asked Pastor for a book recommendation on God’s attributes. He suggested Wayne Grudem’s Systematic Theology When he saw the look on my face Pastor quickly reassured me I only need read a small portion, about 17 pages, and that I could find used copies (i. e. cheap) on Amazon! Grudem’s work did what it was supposed to; it described God’s attributes, providing substantial proof texts, and it whet my appetite for more. Wilkin’s short book (158 pgs) is a banquet, including dessert!

While Grudem’s descriptions of God’s characteristics were understandably academic, Wilkin’s are intimate and personal. With sound biblical teaching she describes God and then pointedly illustrates how we fail to stack up comparatively.  In our goal-oriented, esteem-conscious culture, this would make one feel incredibly downcast; but with socially relevant examples she reassures us “why that’s a good thing”.

At the end of each chapter are study questions and a section where readers are asked to write a prayer of confession where they have tried to usurp God’s place by trying to be omniscient, omnipotent, immutable, etc; trying to be God themselves. As I wrote these prayers I was made aware of sin I’d never even considered. Though humbled and convicted, when I saw my sin I was made more aware of the breadth, length, height, and depth of God’s love.

Wilkin’s writing style is likeable and down-to-earth. She presents sophisticated material in an understandable manner. Though the book is written by a woman from a woman’s point of view with a cover of pink roses on a teal-colored background, men would not feel uncomfortable reading it.  It is also appropriate for people at all stages of their Christian walk.  I’ve been reading the book with a friend of mine for whom all this information is new material.  We are both awe-struck and mind-boggled by the information presented.  In fact, if anyone wants to do a book study on this I’d be willing to go through it again, it is that good!

Barb

Surf City

As I was getting ready for church this morning I started singing to my self the hymn, "O the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus". I couldn't remember some of the lyrics so I did a quick Google search to make sure I was singing it right. I know God knows what I mean to say, but I still like to get it right for Him!

As I read the lyrics certain passages stood out to me; the Spirit was prompting me to do more than sing the words but to reflect.

O the deep, deep love of Jesus...rolling as a mighty ocean in it's fullness over me!

Often I've described depression, sadness and grief as waves that wash over me.  Sometimes they're small splashes at my ankles. Other times the waves are bigger, knocking me off my feet; but other times they're large waves crashing over me, threatening to drag me out to sea, Comparatively, however, the love of Jesus is more than a wave, it's an entire ocean.

Underneath me, all around me, is the current of Thy love

Waves of sadness, grief, pain, they threaten to drown me. Their desire is to drag me to the bottom of the sea. The all encompassing love of Jesus has a different aim. It wants to take me in a different direction to a different destination.

...and it lifts me up to glory for it lifts me up to Thee

The deep love of Jesus doesn't sink me but lifts me up. Jesus wants me to ride the wave of His love. He wants to take me surfing!

Photo: Flickr

Election Reflections

A large group of Christians gathered on a Social Media chat to “discuss” the US Presidential election. There were conservatives, liberals, progressives in the chat. Moderates, too.  Complementarians, egalitarians. Believers of all shapes, colors, sizes, nationalities, denominations and doctrinal beliefs.

A lot of snarky comments were tossed back and forth. Vile, hateful memes traded.  Jesus entered the discussion and keyboards grew still. 

“Hey, I meant it when I said ‘where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am among them’. There are definitely more than two of you here and you say you’re my followers.  Why are you so surprised that I’m joining in your chat?”

Some people left the room, but many stayed on.  A lot of “Thumbs Up” emojis appeared.  Smiley Faces, too.  And of course, some Praying Hands. But no one said anything. 

Then one brave participant, a lawyer jumped in to the discussion. 

“Lord, I just want to make sure of this.  What shall I do to inherit eternal life?”

“What is written in the Law? How do you read it?”

The lawyer’s feed went still for a moment then this appeared:

²⁷ And he answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.”

Jesus smiled. “That was quick. BibleGateway is really handy. You’ve answered correctly; do this, and you will live.”

The lawyer was embarrassed it had been obvious he’d copied and pasted from Bible Gateway. Desiring to justify himself he said to Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”

Jesus replied, “You’ve heard the story of the Good Samaritan, so I won’t repeat it.  I’ll be brief.  Everyone’s your neighbor.”

The audience sat silently in front of their keyboards as the implications of His words penetrated their hearts. Not even an emoji was sent.

One person finally typed “????” 

“Everyone.”

“Donald Trump!!??”

“Donald Trump”, Jesus posted.

“Hilary Clinton!!??” another asked, incredulously.

“Hilary Clinton.” Jesus paused for effect and then typed “Bill Clinton, too.”

“Rosie O’Donnell?  Alec Baldwin?”

“Yes to both.  All the Baldwin brothers, in fact.  And I need to remind you that Stephen Baldwin is not just your neighbor but your brother. He’s a believer, too.” Jesus continued, “I’ve said this before, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you. If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? Be merciful as your Father is merciful. It’s all in the Bible.”

At this point, many people left the chat. Some made final derogatory comments and posted a few mean-spirited and obscene memes. But Jesus did not reply to the insults hurled at Him.  He’d been through this before.

But there were still a number of people remaining in the Chat.  There were conservatives, liberals, and progressives. Moderates, too.  Complementarians, egalitarians. Believers of all shapes, colors, sizes, nationalities, denominations and doctrinal beliefs. One woman commented “Lord, that’s hard!”

“I know”, Jesus replied

Those remaining paused as each felt a stirring in their souls, the implication of His response washing over them.  It was a twinge of guilt mixed with a generous helping of mercy.

“I don’t even know where to begin!” many lamented.

“Why not start with I Corinthians 13; there’s nice list of possibilities there.  It’s not just meme material or a screen saver. It’s how I love you – patient, kind… Why not start with kind?”

“Do Facebook Likes and posts count?” one person joked.

“Oh, yes! What comes out of the mouth and the keyboard proceeds from the heart. A meme I saw recently said ‘Tweet others as you want others to tweet you.’ J”

“Uh, Lord I’ve got to go.  I’ve got some apologies to make.  And some Facebook posts to delete.”

Though none really wanted to leave the presence of their Lord, they felt the same urgency.

Jesus reassured them telling them “It’s ok to go.  I’m always near.  I am with you always to the end of the age.”

Election 2016-How I'm Voting and Why

Tuesday, November 8 will be the 10th time I will enter the voting booth to cast my vote for President of the United States.  I have done so each time with the knowledge of what a privilege it is to be able to vote for my country's leader. Few other countries allow their citizens this freedom.

As a Christian, I believe my freedom to vote is a God-given gift; one more place where I can shed salt and light and exercise my faith - and with so little risk!

About ten or twelve years ago I was in a Small Group meeting and we wound up discussing that year's upcoming election. The Pastor leading the group mentioned he was not going to vote. The group members were collectively dumbfounded and asked why.  His answer was something like "Why should I?" I blurted out "Because its irresponsible to not vote!?"

My vote is like one of those talents entrusted to the servants in the Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25:14-30). I'm expected to use it, invest it; not just hide it in a hole in the ground.

With this in mind, it is then very difficult for me to say I plan on leaving the President portion of my ballot blank in this year's election. This is a decision with which I've struggled, agonized over for months.

I've know all along I could not vote for Hillary Clinton. I disagree with most (but not all) of the Democratic party's platform and Clinton's own policies and the values they reveal about her are reprehensible, even evil.  Add in that she's a liar and a cheat - well, there is nothing about her I can stomach.

For many month's I've been trying to find something about Donald Trump that could help me find reason to vote for him.  It seems he's worked overtime to give me reason to not vote for him. The hot mic tape came  as no surprise to me.  Though it was taped in 2005, Trump's attitudes and actions in the 11 years following have been no different. And Trump is not so much a Republican as he is a Trump-ite. His support of conservative values only goes as far as they serve his own interests.

People I love and respect will be voting for both candidates. Many of those voting for Clinton are doing so because they in good conscience cannot vote for Trump.  Those voting for Trump are doing so because they cannot vote for Clinton.

Trump supporters have explained to me their's is not a vote for POTUS as much as it's a vote for SCOTUS, their logic being Trump will nominate conservative justices. I don't see that as a good enough reason to vote for such a dishonorable candidate.

Proverbs 20:1 says "The king's heart is like a stream of water directed by the LORD; he guides it wherever he pleases." God can change the hearts and rulings of Supreme Court Justices current and future. The President who nominates them is immaterial to the Sovereign God.

Recently, I mentioned this reasoning to a few friends of mine. I (sincerely) told one woman if Clinton becomes president maybe she'll have a "road to Damacus" experience like Paul and have a change of heart! She laughed at (not with) me and said I was naive. Here I thought I was showing faith (but maybe this is naive).

Trump supporters also justify their position by saying we are not voting for a Pastor in Chief so the qualifications for Elder listed in Titus 1 don't apply. This is true. What I'm looking for in a leader are the qualities listed in Exodus 18:21.  Moses father-in-law, Jethro, a Midianite priest gave him some sound advice on what to look for when choosing leaders to assist him.  "Moreover, look for able men from all the people, men who fear God, who are trustworthy and hate a bribe..." As hard as I've tried, I can't see where Donald Trump fits this description in any way.

So, about 36 hours from now, I will make my way to the polls.  I will be casting votes for various offices and ballot measures, but I will be leaving the ballot for President of the United States empty. This is not a protest vote nor is it a default vote for Clinton, though she may very well be the next President.  My blank ballot is in fact an affirmative vote for the Sovereign God and in His ultimate authority over the USA.

Pretty as a Picture

On my ride home this evening, I was struck by the beauty of the sky. The porch-ceiling blue served the perfect backdrop as a contrast to the clouds, with the sun illuminating the entire scene. The wind was still and each puff of white looked as if they had been perfectly placed in the firmament to achieve this flawless panorama.  I thought to myself “That’s pretty as a picture!”.  Then I thought,”HUH?”

Pretty as a picture? What was I thinking?  I had the original model in front of me. Pictures aspire to look like this genuine article, not the other way around.  King David said in Psalm 19 “The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork,” The heavens were talking directly to me and I chose to listen to a static-filled recording instead.

God, the Maker of heaven and earth speaks to us each day in so many ways. He speaks through family, friends and strangers we encounter. He speaks when we pray (it’s not supposed to be a one-way conversation). He speaks to us through His Word, the Bible. And He speaks through His creation.

God is speaking, calling us all the time. And He’s listening, waiting for a response.

“He who has ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:9)

Coincidence? I Think Not.

The more of life I experience, the less I believe in coincidence and the more I see the hand of the Almighty God at work. Some refer to these works as God-incidences.Though I appreciate the play on words, I think this grossly undervalues the intimate involvement God the Father has with His creation at all times and in all ways. A better term would be Divine Intervention.

Last evening as temperatures soared I set about baking bread for Sunday's church communion. In my un-air-conditioned home.

I was hot. I was sticky, And as has been much the case since January, I found myself missing my dear friend and running companion who'd moved to Illinois seven months ago. As I went to remove the freshly baked bread from the oven I reached for my oven mitts when I remembered the beautiful teal-colored mitts I'd received from her family for my birthday.  I've kept them out for show, but I had the idea of using them then and sending her a picture of the moment.  And so began the following text exchange:

This afternoon, I received this text from Illinois:

Some might say this was merely coincidence; that the song "Blessed Be the Tie That Binds" is a common song and there is nothing unusual about it being sung on a Sunday morning. Some might even go so far as to say God has a lot more important things to do than pick a hymn.  I respectfully say - you're wrong! :p (Well, maybe that emoticon wasn't all that respectful).

God, Almighty, Infinite, Eternal, Omniscient, Omnipresent, created the heavens and the earth and all that dwells there, down to the tiniest detail. He came down from heaven in the person of Jesus to conquer sin and death so we might live with Him forever. God didn't knock over s cosmic domino a few thousand years ago to let things fall where they may. He takes an active interest and care in the daily lives of His creation.  

If you're not sure about this, listen to what Jesus had to say about it:

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows." (Matthew 10:29-31)

Yesterday, I was prompted by the Spirit to grab the pretty, teal oven mitts and text a picture to my friend.  A few days ago, or even a week ago a pastor or worship leader in Illinois was prompted by the Spirit to include "Blessed Be the Tie That Binds" in their service today. Through these independent acts two friends were reminded their Father in heaven has their back. And God was given the glory for the blessing He gave us.

There are countless blessings we experience each day totally unaware and so we miss out on the comfort that comes from knowing there is someone bigger, smarter, stronger than us who is taking care of things so we don't have to. If we pay attention - with our eyes, our ears, and our souls - He will  show us the many wonders He has done and is doing. He will reveal the many moments of His Divine Intervention.

"God is always doing 10,000 things in your life, and you may be aware of three of them."

                                                                                                                                 -John Piper

"But blessed are your eyes, for they see, and your ears, for they hear. For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people have longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it." (Matthew 13:16-17)

Relocate

Season of life?

Then I've been stuck in Florida

Where the season never changes. 

Decades of hot, uncomfortable weather. 

My air conditioning is out

And alligators threaten to devour. 

I want a change of seasons, LORD. 

I want to relocate. 

Ill-Fitting

A gift

They say,

Chosen

Just for you.

Be thankful

They say.

But I don’t like it!

It’s the wrong size

And the material is scratchy.

It’s a coat that’s too small;

A straight jacket

That restrains me,

Trapping in all the

Love and passion

I want to give!

And receive.

It’s a shirt

Four sizes too big.

Room enough for two,

But I wear it alone!

I’m lonely and lost

Inside it's billowing cloth.

You had ugly,

Uncomfortable outfits, too.

Torn, blood-stained robes,

A painful crown of thorns.

Unfit for most

But shameful, humiliating

For a King!

You donned

That wardrobe

So my crimson clothes

Would be white as wool.

There is at least

One wedding dress

In my future,

Though I’d like there to be two.

It’s perfectly tailored,

Sized to my form.

It does more than hide

My figure’s flaws,

It fixes them completely!

The material is soft

Against my skin,

Comforting.

Making me forget

Every hurt I’ve ever felt;

Healing every

Scrape, scar and bruise,

And drying every tear.

Every one.

That dress

Hangs in a closet

In a room far away;

But not far away really.

Because long ago,

Before you wore

Those torn, blood-stained robes

And had that crown of thorns

Pushed down on your

Tender scalp,

You willing donned

Swaddling clothes

So I could someday

Meet you

Wearing the gown

You made for me.

Book Review-Undone:A Story of Making Peace with and Unexpected Life by Michele Cushatt

This is a book review I shared with my church family at Faith Reformed PCA, Erie PA.  I thought some of my blog followers might also be interested. 

Ok, FRC family, here’s another book review…

I bought the book Undone: A Story of Making Peace with an Unexpected Life by Michele Cushatt when it was first published, on the recommendation of a friend of mine who was on the advance team. When the package first arrived I opened it, immediately started reading the book… and then got scared and put the book down for six months.  The book touched a nerve in me that I was not wanting touched.

But I finally got tired of living around it, moving it from coffee table to end table to night stand to end table again and just plunged in. Nerves were still zinged, but I was ready for it now.

Undone is a memoir of Cushatt’s life – a divorce, remarriage, single-parenting, step-parenting, a cancer diagnosis, foster children. She is open and honest about her life without getting in to the gory details, respecting the privacy of those involved while still managing to get across the emotional and spiritual messiness. That takes talent, wisdom, and more importantly, love for those involved. I admire that. 

As a lifelong Christian, Cushatt knows how she should have reacted to the “undone” details of her life.  She truthfully admits to what her reactions were (crying on her closet floor being one of them), and she faithfully proclaims how Jesus brought her through those times.

Her stories (and that’s what this book is, a collection of stories from her life) are not so extreme so as for readers to not be able to relate.  These are situations where many of us could find ourselves. It is in these common events that Cushatt is able to see the hand of God at work. In fact, she learns it is because of these events she is able to see God, become more like Jesus and be able to love her neighbors better.

Just as “we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weakness”, sharing in Christ’s suffering allowed her (and all of us) to demonstrate grace and mercy to those we come in contact.

Michele Cushatt is a nationally known speaker and this is her first book. Her writing style is conversational, with many comical and self-deprecating asides.  In other words, she writes like I speak…and write. It is a quick read, and though it might be classified in the Woman’s Section, it is not a “chick book”.  Men would enjoy it, as well.

If you read it, let me know if you agree...or not.

Barb

The Perfect Storm

I struggled against the fierce storm,
   battling strong winds
      which blew me off course.

                           The heat of passion

                       met the coolness of rejection
                    ran in to the drench of tears
                 to form the perfect storm;
              a confluence of sadness and despair
         which threatened to overpower me
      and drag me away to the dark place.
  But lightning struck
and lit my path

   revealing where I was,

      where I was heading,

          and the path back

            To Your refuge.

         "Undone"+Sword+sovereignty.

      Sin+repentance+eternity
   met to form
another perfect storm
   where grace rained down
        and drenched me in redemption.

The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner: My Half Marathon Adventure, Epilogue

So, I finished my half marathon.  13.1 miles completed in 3:11:24, well within my goal time of 3:30.  As I was running my route around the beautiful environs of Schroon Lake, I thought about this final post in this series.  I was going to review my training, the hours of running, the blisters, bone pain, mental challenges. Throughout those 3 hours, 11 minutes and 24 seconds I composed a most wonderful and inspiring post, peppered with some witty comments and hilarious dog stories ('cause, hey, I gotta be me).  All that changed on the ride home at a rest stop on Interstate 90.  While we were eating dinner, my sister/chauffeur/rehab trainer, Jean was checking her email when she let out a sad "Aww" and told me our friend Mike had died Sunday morning.

Mike had battled brain cancer for a couple of years. Some would say he lost his battle.  Those that knew him and read his Facebook posts throughout his treatment would say he'd won, no doubt about it.  Or as my pastor would term it, he died well. It seems to me that all Mike's life up to his cancer diagnosis was training for a long, difficult "race" through the trails and trials of treatment. He must have trained staunchly because he ran strong up until the very end, living faithfully for his Lord and Saviour.  Though in his final days his ability to communicate was severely limited, he still proclaimed the power of the Gospel by his demeanor through such difficult times.

While he underwent hours and hours of treatments, Mike would pray for different friends and family members and post those prayers on Facebook.  People I know who have had cancer are amazed when they hear this. They say if they did have any energy to pray, they prayed for themselves. Jean and I were once recipients of his prayers.To this day, I feel honored!

There were hundreds of people from all over the world praying for and cheering on Mike, most fervently his wife and two daughters.  There were a lot of people cheering me on and praying for me, as well.  My sister and my Aunt Joan who accompanied me the 400 miles to the race...and back again.  Anna, whose performance in last year's marathon I witnessed, which inspired me to attempt this run.  My brother who supported me...with teasing, and his wife who supported me by telling him to be nice! Brenda and the Barblings, Adiel, Mindy, Michelle and Joe, Fran, Ali and Dave. y coworker, Julie who knew my training schedule better than I did!  Facebook "Likes" and lots of texts over the last few weeks.  My Internet friend, Stacey who recommended The Runner's Devotional and who's blog posts  about her races - athletic, medical and spiritual - stirred up lots of thoughts in my brain and my soul. And I can't leave out Lucy who dragged me forward (usually after a squirrel) when my legs didn't feel like working anymore. Or Dora, who was so happy to walk with me during my cool downs, bright-eyed and waggy-tailed.

Both Mike and I have had lots of people (and dogs) in our corner.  But there were still many long stretches we each had to travel on our own, many silent miles where there was no one shouting encouragement, many "dark nights of the soul".  Still, it's said loneliness is a state of mind. "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?" (Jer 17:9) Our emotions quite often lie to us, giving us a dysmorphic view of reality.

"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Prov 18:24 That would be Jesus, AKA Emmanuel, meaning God is with us. GOD with us - "...a very present help in trouble" (Ps 46:1) who promised to He would never leave nor forsake us (Josh 1:5). THIS is the reality the enemy works to make us forget.

After I heard about Mike death, I recalled a portion of the morning's race.  At about Mile 2 I could hear loud cheers coming from across the lake.  I smiled thinking about how they'd be cheering for me when I got to that point.  That point was around Mile 4, where the race route crossed the campus of Word of Life Fellowship, a Christian ministry and camp.  There were almost a hundred kids, counselors and leaders yelling and cheering for me.  "Way to go #770 (my bib number)!"  "Lookin' good!" There were even a few who yelled out "Keep going, Barbara!!" It was surprising and heartening  to hear my name! Apparently, race officials hand out rosters of racers for that very reason (Note to self - if I ever do anything like this again, fill out the application as Barb). As I ran by, I joked to one of the leaders that I was "surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses" (Heb 12:1). Sitting at that roadside rest stop, I was struck by the thought that while I was hearing my "great cloud of witnesses" Mike was hearing the real thing, angels and saints elated to see him cross the finish line, yelling his name!

The other day, my dad called me to see how I was feeling (I was sore) and to tell me he was proud of me (I got teary-eyed). On Sunday morning, Mike's Father, Abba said the same thing to him. And that is why I continue to "run with endurance the race that is set before me" - to hear the words "well done, good and faithful servant".

There's An App For That : My Half Marathon Adventure, Part 4

When I first started training for the Adirondack Half Marathon, I found an App that seemed to suit my ability and my schedule.  I downloaded it on to my phone and started running,  The initial training sessions were short runs 1.5 miles, 2 miles, 3  miles.  No big deal.  Although it was often hot and muggy during my runs, the distances didn't really warrant carrying water.  As long as I was hydrated throughout the day, I felt fine.  The only thing I carried was my phone and, if a dog was accompanying me, a leash and a "waste" bag.

There are devices made, such as arm bands, so I wouldn't have to hold the phone, but I have never been able to find one that fit my arm.  They were either too big or too tight.  I've never been able to find one that was "just right" (dispense with the Goldilocks jokes, please) so I carried my phone, holding it in place under a rubber band wrapped loosely around my palm. The phone stayed in place while my circulation still circulated.

Still, on longer runs my palms got sweaty and the phone became an uncomfortable nuisance.  Additionally, though I needed it to track my mileage, I often found myself checking the phone to see how far I'd come - or more honestly, checking to see how much further I had to go.  I was not content to wait for the little App Coach to let me know my pace, split times and distance.  I would impatiently check the screen, sometimes actually stopping running to read the stats because of the sun and sweat in my eyes.

As I mentioned in a previous post, on longer runs I found the need to carry food and water to sustain my energy. I have a water bottle that has a handle which wraps around my palm, but like the phone it made my hand sweaty so I started tucking the bottle in to the waistband of my shorts.  It stayed in place...most of the time. But carrying food became a problem.  My running shorts don't have pockets so I had to resort to a "fanny pack".

In the pockets of my fanny pack, which I wore turned towards my front not my fanny, I stowed my phone, food, Kleenex, and a plastic grocery bag (for the dog). I still had to keep my water bottle in the waistband of my shorts.  I was now able to run with my hands free, unless I had a dog with me and then I only had to hold my end of the leash.

An aside here.  Back in June I went camping with my friends Adiel and Mindy.  During our hikes Mindy used a fanny pack to carry her keys, camera, water bottle, etc.  Though Mindy's pack was of a sportier style than most, Adiel and I still made fun of her.  Mindy, please forgive me!)

Some interesting things happened once I reorganized my paraphernalia and ran with empty hands.  I got faster.  (Note:  I said faster not fast.  I'm still slow.)

With the phone in my pack, the little App voice is often muffled or drowned out completely by the sound of street traffic.   When I do hear the App Coach, I can't always discern what she is saying; I only hear a "still, small voice" indicating to me I've made some forward progress.  I just have no idea of how much progress or how much further I have to go. But I love hearing that voice!

Hebrews 12:1 (NASB) says "...let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us".  Other translations use the word "weight" instead of "encumbrance". During my training runs, I wasn't carrying less.  In fact, counting the Swedish Fish and Animal Crackers in my pack, I was carrying more now.  The only difference was my hands were free.  I was no longer distracted by what I was holding.  And I was no longer glancing at my phone, looking to check my stats.

I carry a lot of baggage in my daily life.  I'm weighed down by my long "To Do" list, my worries and concerns. I'm distracted by the voices that tell me I'm behind, not good enough,I'll never catch up, I need to try harder. These are the encumbrances I need to shed.  This is sin of disbelief and this is where grace enters the picture. Just like on my runs, I have to reorganize how I carry things.

Some things Jesus said:

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." (Matt11:28)

"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you." I Peter 5:6-7

"Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden light." (Matt 11:29-30)

Grace humbles me, not as an embarrassment or a crutch.  Truth be told (sin confessed) my own pride is the crutch on which I lean...and run poorly. Grace is the very legs on which I stand and run the race set before me. Jesus wants me to finish this race and thus He provided the legs, He is there with me every stride, carrying my food and water, feeding me along the way, and telling me to press on.



 

Eat, Drink and Be Wary: My Half Marathon Adventure, Part 3

So much of the training for my upcoming race happened on weeknights after work.  Because I'm a slow runner, some of those longer training sessions could take upwards of two hours to complete; longer, if I was accompanied by a dog.

So that I wasn't running in the dark of night, most of the times when I got home from work I'd race through the door, let the dogs out, fill their food dishes, change my clothes, and head out the door for a run. About 10 to 15 minutes in to my runs I'd realize that the last time I'd eaten had been lunch six hours prior.   On  a  3-mile run that's uncomfortable but manageable.  On longer runs, that can be disastrous. During these sessions I'd become nauseous, shaky, and noodle-legged, barely making it home.  After a few times of "bonking" I learned my lesson and started grabbing a quick snack (usually a banana) before my run. For long sessions, I'd try to eat something more substantial - peanut butter toast and the always reliable banana. I also started carrying food (animal crackers and Swedish Fish) and water with me. These practices made a noticeable difference on my endurance.

Staying hydrated is also important for runners.  Dehydration not only affects a runner's performance but can be deadly, as well. Lack of water makes your blood thicker and sludge-like and makes your heart work harder.

I drink a lot throughout the day, but my preferred beverage is diet soda or iced tea, not water. Since the bulk of my training was during the high heat of July and August, I knew hydration was of particular importance so I made it a point to substitute water for diet soda as my pre-run drink, though a majority of my drinking during the day still consisted of the not-so-healthy beverages.  I did not become dehydrated during these runs, as my sweat-soaked clothes indicated but I found my endurance suffered.  It was not until I started regularly drinking water throughout my days that I found my strength lasted throughout my sessions. It seems that unlike food, where a quick bite to eat will give me a jolt of energy, hydration needs to be built up and sustained over time.

There are some definite spiritual parallels here. Jesus is called the Bread of Life (John 6:35) He offered the woman at the well living water (John 4:10-11).  Our souls need to eat and drink.  David prayed to God in Psalm 63

 “my soul thirsts for you, my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.”

If living the life of a disciple is a race, we “runners” must take in nourishment. We must feed on the Word of God. We must drink of Jesus, the Living Water.

“Your words were found, and I ate them, and your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart…” Jeremiah 15:16

“Man shall not live on bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.” Matt 4:4

“Jesus stood up and cried out, ‘If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink.” John 7:37

“With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation.” Isaiah 12:3

For believers in Christ to finish the race set before us, we need to practice good spiritual nutrition, taking in the food and drink God has set before us.  We do this through prayer drinking in His Spirit, absorbing His very presence in to our own souls. We eat of His Word, the Bible by reading, meditating on and hearing the Word preached.

          “So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of

Christ.” Romans 10:17

I learned the hard way through dizzy spells and painful leg cramps that I need to eat and drink properly to run well if I intend on finishing this half marathon. I’ve learned the hard way that I cannot ignore my need for Jesus if I intend to finish the race He set before me. That race is lifelong and requires more than an occasional healthy snack, but regular, intentional healthy practices in order to cross that finish line. A DNF in that race is deadly.

So Why Am I Doing a Half Marathon Anyway?: My Half Marathon Adventure, Part 2

Anyone who knows me knows I'm not a natural athlete.  As I mentioned before, my running is more like a lumbering plod. I'm more endomorph than ectomorph; soft and curvy, not hard-bodied or lithesome.  So why run a distance race?

I confess, it's the swag.  Bigger races of longer distances give out better loot.

Certainly, I have other motivations.  I enjoy the challenge. I want to be fit and healthy. I desire to maintain an active lifestyle and better quality of life. But when you get right down to it, I like getting prizes.

Many, many years ago I volunteered to work at a local 5K race for which I was given a long sleeve

t-shirt with an impressive race logo and the word "STAFF" down one sleeve.  I felt official. When I wore that shirt I walked taller, a proud participant in an athletic event. I was hooked.

Since then, I've volunteered and walked in numerous charity events for t-shirts. And for really special events, hooded sweatshirts! Once I started racing, I rated the race based primarily on the quality of the t-shirt. I've raced in rain, sleet, sweltering heat and even in the dark wearing a tutu, all for the swag. 

My race times will never qualify me for any prizes, but for the distance races - marathons and half-marathons - they give all the finishers a medal! I want that prize! I want to feel the weight of it hanging from my neck. 

Notice the tutu on the left?

This sounds shallow and selfish, but really, I've got biblical precedent to back me up! The apostle, Paul said in 1 Corinthians 9:24 "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it." He knew, people like to win things. 

In the next verse he then says "Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable." T-shirts are definitely perishable items.  That "STAFF" t-shirt I prized sits in a landfill somewhere. The picture above is only a sampling of the

t-shirts I've collected through the years. Most have been relegated to the rag bag. Evan a medal won't last forever. A disposable item subject to rust and tarnish it will eventually wind up in the trash, I'm sure.

There are better things to work for, "...I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:14)" being one of them. Still, to have and to hold a piece of metal is tangible evidence for me of "the prize of the upward call of God". That prize connects my physical senses with spiritual sense and gives some validation to the hours I've spent training - bodily training and training in godliness (I Timothy 4:7-8) God does give rewards, some which one can actually see and touch, hear, taste and smell. They should not be discounted.

So, on September 27, Lord willing, I will be testing my mettle in order to receive a metal medal. I will also be thankful for the strengthening of my spirit that has occurred during this training, a strength that does not diminish with time, as does bodily strength.